there's a tangled thread inside my head

MERLINS PANTS WHO BROUGHT ME BACK JANIS???

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL

bloody hell she still purrs like new

WOTCHER SKEETER

I know you were thinking I was long overdue for a family reunion, yeah? But you're going about it all the wrong way if you ask me.

Sure I could pummel faces and hurl hexes and say lots of foul words but who hasn't seen and heard all that before?

Everyone wants to see the softer side of Sirius Black. The side that nurses helpless animals back to health and covers puddles with his leather jacket and other schmoopy things.

If you want me misty eyed why not bring me Andromeda or Uncle Alph or James' parents?

Just a thought.

Have I mentioned how bloody spectacular it is to have a wand again? No? Well let me take this opportunity to state

IT'S FANTASTIC!!

To make up for lost time, I'm doing everything with my wand. And I do mean everything.

Ollivander, you god among mere men, I will shower you with praises from now into eternity.


[Tonks]
Now that I have my wand nothing can keep us from dealing with Dolohov.

[Regulus]
You're quiet as usual. Do I need to come over and bother you?

[Hexed to Lily, James, Harry, Hermione, and Teddy]

Remus is back. He must have wandered back in while I was out looking for him with Lily's wand, but he's here and I have the place locked down good.

He's still not himself. I hoped this might wear off after a few days but he's still stuck in Moony's mindset. I don't think it was the lunar eclipse that did this to him.

Maybe it's bonkers but I think it was that potion he takes– the one that allows him to control Moony. Maybe it stopped working and reversed on him or sommat?

Bloody hell



If anyone sees Remus, let me know, yeah?


He's on the loose

Something isn't right.


[Hexed to Harry, James, and Lily]
Remus isn't himself. He's gone all wonky.

He's acting like he's still Moony.

Are we playing that Quidditch match anytime soon?

Yours truly has a mean need to smear someone's pride against the goal post.


[Remus & James]
I don't know about you blokes, but I think we need to remind this village that they're in the presence of greatness.

How about a good old-fashioned prank?


[Regulus]
Oi, you've been too quiet.

There's something I need to tell you.

For the lot of you who aches and pines for my pottery, I'm afraid you'll have to wait. The workshop is still in a state of disrepair from Saturday. There was an accident, and I'm using that word loosely mind you. We're still cleaning up and salvaging what we can from the wreckage.

Get the clay out of your hair yet, Narcissa?

If anyone catches a rat, let me or James know, yeah?

I'm looking for an ugly rat that's missing a paw.

Goes by the name of Pettigrew

The real traitor. The one who framed me for the murders of my best friends. The one who ruined our lives.

We're looking for him and we won't be so friendly to anyone who's trying to hide him for foolishly thinking he deserves to be saved or forgiven or any of that rubbish

If anyone else comes across someone looking exactly like me, but acting like a giant twat, let me know, yeah? I need to lay down the bastard that's been impersonating me.

And another thing–

It's come to my attention that my brother is STILL in prison. What the fuck's that all about? THERE WAS NO BLOODY PROOF TO BEGIN WITH! I don't know about you lot, but I'd like to see some justice in this town. Grindelwald couldn't have been more guilty if he wore a shirt that said I DID IT and he got a trial. My brother hasn't even been given that.


Faff around as much as you like now but you're going to stop playing with your balls when it's you being falsely accused of a crime.

Isn't this just bloody spectacular?

I don't know about you lot, but I'm having a FANTASTIC time being bored out of my head.


( Private to Remus )

My mouth feels violated.

After I clean it out with soap for the third time, SOMEONE needs to kiss it better.

Same old same old.

[Regulus]
Do I need to go beat the stuffing out of Prewett?

I should start making a list of Greyback's crimes. So far, we've got:

Assault
Aggravated assault
Attempt to manslaughter
and most recently, home invasion

Have I missed any, pooch?

( Warded to Harry )

[Hexed to Nymphadora Tonks, Bill Weasley, Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley]

If you can see this, it's because I'm going after Greyback and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you all want to come with me.


He's attacked my brother Regulus.

He ruined all the wolfsbane.

He's attacked Barty Crouch Jr. (although no one gives a fuck about him)

But worst of all? He made Remus help him attack that fucker, making him an unwilling accomplice.


Greyback's somewhere out there hiding and playing with his balls as he laughs his sides off. We have to find him and show him he's nothing but a boil on the backside of a hippogriff's arse.

Today's the day it starts, is it? This so-called tribunal better not fuck up, but who am I kidding. They will and everyone knows Grindelwald is walking away from this with a slap on the wrist and a little tut.

Regulus
Ready for tonight?

Has anyone seen Remus?

Went to check on him, and the whole house was empty. His workshop was too.

If you're reading this, Remus, you better stop being a wanker and write me something.


You wouldn't expect me to sound like anyone's bloody mother but he should be resting right now and this game of hide-and-go-seek isn't fucking funny.

MOLLY WEASLEY!

My brother's in the hospital and I expect immediate incarceration of one Fenrir fucking Greyback RIGHT NOW

I have fucking written proof from the fucking cocksucker that it was him

not that there was any bloody doubt in my mind

LOCK HIM UP OR I'LL TEAR HIM TO SHREDS

Private to Remus

Harry's awake and seems to be on his way toward a good recovery, thank the stars for that. I went and saw him today.

He told me who did it. But he made me promise not to tell. He didn't say that I could say who it wasn't, though.

Proud that I haven't gone and gotten myself killed yet?

Another thing.

Do you want Padfoot to be with you tonight? It might help keep Moony from gnawing himself out of boredom or something. I don't want you to be alone with Greyback.

Cor, you lot play a rough game of Quidditch. Coming from me, that says a ruddy lot.

Other team, just so we're clear? If we hadn't lost two of our players, we would have served you your arses on a platter. As far as I'm concerned, we're the REAL winners for catching the snitch and not playing so damn foul.

Wankers, all of you. Excepting Regulus and Angelina. No exceptions for James. Maybe a little one for Angelina's sprog and Alastor. But other than that? No exceptions.